This is it – four days until Crimbo 2021. We’re heading full steam into it & for me, this is the best week of the year. Lights are twinkling on houses, Christmas trees are glowing through steamy windows & that one ‘extra’ house in the neighbourhood has an entire Santa’s workshop set up on the front lawn. I love to see it.
But this isn’t a blog on the joys of Christmas, rather a small note to ask you all for a teeny favour.
You see, I’ve been thinking a lot about loneliness recently due to a tête-à-tête I’ve had with one of my great friends. The idea of loneliness has always filled me with a hollow feeling and the thought of anyone being lonely creates deep-rooted anxiety for me. Up until around the age of 20, before I would leave the house, I would always ask mum if she would be lonely if I left her on her own for the day. She’d always laugh and tell me not to be silly, but it’s a thought I couldn't shake - what if she was lonely and just not telling me? (In hindsight, I think she was probably just grateful to have me, Jodie & Dad out of the house for a while for the peace and quiet!).
In 2019, Granny spent Christmas Day in hospital & the family piled in and sat around her bedside, laughing & joking like any other Christmas Day. Other patient’s spoke to Mum during Granny’s stay, in awe of her sizeable family & the fact that every day without fail, we’d turn up to keep her company. It hit home that for some people, this wasn’t typical and to be honest, it felt hard to contemplate. We’ll all have experienced it at least once in our lives – hopefully fleeting, but sometimes for longer than is comfortable & thankfully, many of us won’t be familiar with the utter isolation experienced by some.
My friend used their platform on social media to chat about their mental health journey & to say I am in awe of their determination is an understatement. The stigma attached to mental health crisis is damaging & dangerous, & it is only by talking about it that we begin to change the narrative. They spoke openly about their feeling of absolute loneliness, even though they had lots of people around them. They explained that when the dark clouds rolled in, they had never felt more isolated from those who love them.
I was speechless. I had totally missed that they were in such need of a friend. As someone with such humour, wisdom, and a wide expanse of friends, they felt completely secluded and consumed by their own thoughts. I had no idea that their “I’m ok” text translated to “I’m falling apart, but I don’t want to bother you”. I am beyond grateful & immensely lucky that I have the opportunity to apologise to them for just taking their “I’m ok” at face value – things could have been very different.
I am someone who tries to find humour in most situations – it helps me find balance and recognise that brighter days are ahead. But the thought of someone experiencing loneliness fills me with an empty, gut-wrenching feeling. The shifts in A&E leading up to Christmas would see a rise in admissions of the elderly – no clinical abnormalities, they were simply desperate for a warm bed, hot meals, and companionship over the festive period. In the Hospice, those with no visitors would get a little extra TLC, usually in the form of a cup of tea & a longer chat.
So here’s the point to this. All I am asking – make it your Christmas present to me – is that you check-in with people. Be the listening ear. Mum has always said that the greatest skill you can possess is to be a good listener – don’t be concerned with giving advice or an opinion, just listen. It’s how we learn to empathise with others & it’s how those who need us the most learn that we’re there for them, no matter what. “You have two of these (ears), and one of these (mouth), so try to use them in that order”, although it must be said that this was repeated far more when I was getting into trouble at school for being a gobby little brat, but the quote still works so let me live already.
A text, a phone call, a letter sent in the post; it really can have a huge impact on someone’s day.
To my magnificent, intelligent, gracious, remarkable friend. Your presence in my life is invaluable. I am incredibly proud of you & I love you.
Be a good listener, it’s the best life skill you can have.
Love always, Merry Christmas & a special Birthday shoutout to Jesus,
Maz x
Samaritans – call 116 123
24 hrs a day, 7 days a week
CALM – 0800 58 58 58
5pm – midnight, 7 days a week
Shout – text 85258
24 hrs a day, 7 days a week
Childline – 0800 11 11
24 hrs a day, 7 days a week
Photo Credit to Aaron Burden, Lukas Rychvalsky, Pablo Gentile & kyle smith on Unsplash
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